ADOPT A NUTTER / 1 January 2008
I keep getting into trouble, by writing things like this:
Being mad means being poor. Being mad means being rejected by society and sometimes your family. It can be lonely. So why not adopt a nutter? The benefits are many: whenever you have company you want to get rid off, introduce them to the nutter in your family. They will magically disappear.
Maybe you have a business rival…just introduce a nutter as your rival’s relative..they will all come running to you for your products…
• £1.50 will buy a coffee to counteract the sedating medication
• £5 will buy cleaning fluids so the nutter can clean the eggs thrown on their front doors by normals
• £10 will pay for telephone bill costs of the nutter trying to contact a professional to help them when they need support but find themselves having their phone calls not returned.
• £15 will pay for the junk food that nutters eat because the medication makes them crave sugars and fat
• £17 pounds will pay for a nutter walker - they will take your nutter out for a run, so they don’t lie in bed all day and they can scare off your neighbours …
• £20 will buy new shoes. The old shoes being worn thin from the largactyl shuffle
• £30 will pay for sex toys. Nobody wants to go out with a nutter, bless them and anyway the medication makes the poor dears impotent (it’s a blessing really)
• £50 will pay for Eurostar ticket out of UK after hospital escape.
• £10000 will pay for the nutter to stay out of the UK so they can’t scrounge off the benefits.
Please give today. Madness is for life not just for Christmas.