Vince Laws offers some culinary tips with a dash of poetic licence... / 17 November 2010
EAT THE POOR Recipe 1
Scapegoat Curry: Ask your local Lib Dem or Tory butcher to cut scrag end of poor person into bite-sized chunks. Pepper with insults. Fry until no longer red, then set aside. Tip the chilly winter sauce into the pan, add slander, diced threats, chopped benefits, and reduce forever. Serve cold, topped with a banker’s bonus. Enjoy.
EAT THE POOR Recipe 2
Stuffed Student. Ask your local Lib Dem or Tory butcher to fillet a student as near to the bone as possible and truss oven-ready. Now stuff with debt. Be firm, remember - you’re stuffing for Britain. Stuffed Student takes longer to bake than Millionaire Minister but if sliced thinly rewards with the delicious drip-drip of profit for many years to come. Eat with a runcible spoon. Enjoy!
EAT THE POOR Recipe 3
Mental Mousakka. Ask your local Lib Dem or Tory butcher to do a mental’s head in and disturb its brains. Mince, just for the fun of it, then set aside close to the edge. Now finely chop benefits, fry, stew, scramble and throw everything in the air. Separate the mental from the benefits with layers of paperwork and half-bake until completely frazzled. Enjoy!
[NB this is a particular favourite of mine after having my benefit cut from £110 per week to £65 per week without warning on the say so of a nurse in an office, despite a sick note, support from my GP and Psychiatrist.]
EAT THE POOR Recipe 4
OAP Pudding. Ask your local Lib Dem or Tory butcher to cut the tongue out of a pensioner and rub a pinch of salt into its wounds. At home, scrape the years they gave into a pot and set aside the carcass. Line a well-buttered ‘Banker’ style basin with hard-earned pastry, stretched to the edge. Press in your pound of flesh. Seal the pastry edges with a firm, repeated pinch. Freezes easily. Enjoy!
EAT THE POOR Recipe 5
Cripple Kebabs. Ask your local Lib Dem or Tory butcher to cut a cripple down to size, throw away any capabilities, then tie securely in red tape. At home, leave to chill over night, in a marinade of uncertainty. Now skewer - cripple, vegetable, lemon - and repeat. Carefully remove any zest, and grill. Grill again, and this time turn up the heat. Enjoy!