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> > > Unlimited 2014: Touretteshero and Captain Hotknives

7 September 2014

In the hallowed foyer of the Queen Elizabeth Hall, arty eclectics and normal people buzzed and filled the rather large space to standing room only for the arrival of not just any old superheroes... Wendy Young was at the 'Unlimited Friday Tonic' for biscuits and songs about animal sex, from Touretteshero and Captain Hotknives

photo of Jessica Thom in blue superhero costume on a ride in a funfair

Jessica Thom as Touretteshero. Photo © Sam Robinson

Add a gin and that's It!  Fizz, bang, wallop –  what a stage show! There was a parental guidance tip-off in the brochure to prepare the 5.30pm audience “BEWARE: Biscuits, swearing and songs about animal sex are all likely, so if you're easily offended, it isn't the show for you. For everyone else, prepare to be amazed." They're neurologically incapable of staying on message and yes, that's where the fun begins. Crumbs!

With thoughts of filling this page with 'biscuit' 500 times it would be too, too easy to miss out 'hedgehog'!

Biscuit, biscuit, hedgehog, hedgehog! Is it a Batman and Robin? Is it Cannon and Ball? No! It's Touretteshero and Captain Hotknives, the Chas and Dave of Unlimited. Jessica Thom (aka Touretteshero) and Christopher Smith (aka Captain Hotknives) have formed the Bipolar Alliance and their manifesto grabbed us by the biscuit and entertained from start to finish.  

Peppered (as in hot) with the odd bit of foul language, close your eyes and it could be the comedy half hour on 4Extra!  Not that you'd want to miss the spectacle of Touretteshero! Masked and dressed head to toe in blue and white with a nice touch of fringing on the sleeves – think Elvis in his Honolulu years. Captain played guitar and was a droll, wordy, funny, crunchy (baco) foil to our Hero.

Tourretteshero explained that she may have a seizure and her carer may have to take her off stage and kick her shins. Audience participation a necessity (Captain warned us he'd chuck us in the river or mime a song to our face), we were told to do a bear-type stance every time she said 'biscuit' and as she says this word 16,000 times a day, it could be a good upper body workout! 

Lady Gaga's little monsters may put their paws up, we put our claws up! However, if she said 'hedgehog', head in knees! Captain preached about the power of Tourettes “if yer ankle hurts - tell it to fuck off”.

On with the songs and the first one 'heepdogs tells the tale of a trusty companion who can change plugs, cooks; he even tweets and his tapas is the envy of the Portugese speaking world! The next song stayed on theme and was about sheepdogs with antibiotic saliva who lick stone walls to heal them.

Touretteshero and Captain Hotknives are “not smug normal superheroes”. Next we have Tic Song makes no sense... no explanation needed, who cares now? We're confused and we love 'em all. 

Unsung Heroes is another catchy number telling of the real heroes, the ones who do the shopping, look after the kids, they don't just go around the universe saving us from over the counter drugs. They've got “Mother Teresa living in the freezer”, they pay tribute to Haringay council workers “Maureen's in charge of parks and gardens and is always smiling”... ah... “she needs the dogging”... here we go, there's a mother in the audience getting jumpy. You were warned!

One seizure later and we are refreshed with un-PC humour about “spazzing out” with “minds rearranged”.

Just in case Warner Bros were scouting in the audience, Captain said Touretteshero should do a proper song like Every Little Sheepdog in a reggae style. “I'm having sex with animals again and I like it's arse in my face” (eyes-a-popping, but much laughter)...  chaotic, healing and refreshingly dirty, sign them up immediately! They are stars!

Get along any which way you can to see Jessica Thom.  A true superhero, she will save you with geranium bashing, penguin gangbangs or possibly something completely different! Or you can buy her autobiography Welcome to Biscuit Land: A Year in the Life of Touretteshero, which follows a year in Jess' life and covers the whole spectrum of her experiences, available on Amazon

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