Not Fitter... just Wasting Away / 5 March 2013
SickBitchCrips have little to report this month. They continue to steer away from issues of sex, politics and religion and attempt to avoid the reality of their own sorry lives. SickBitchCrips are gleefully ignorant of what everyone's currently debating i.e. the instigation of Bedroom Tax and abolition of Council Tax Benefit and refuse to comment from their privately owned penthouse overlooking the Houses of Parliament. However they did admit to a degree of empathy because they too suffer intolerably on a daily basis waiting for the lift to reach them on the top floor of their luxury apartment.
SickBitchCrips enjoy watching the fun, pity and trivialities of Comic Relief and have decided to respond and generate cash for themselves by creating their own special charity 'Chronic Relief Day'. It's all very simple – donate £50 and they will personally bake you a special SickBitchCrips farewell cake which is guaranteed to change your life forever.
They are also looking forward to their lavish Pity Party prior to the inevitability of their being placed on the Liverpool Care Pathway for the dying of impatience, with their full consent. SickBitchCrips are delighted about this because it will save them the cost of a one-way ticket to Zürich which they have been planning since the Paralympics and the Valentine's Day ‘surprise’ shenanigans.
Due to the sad resignation of their close friend the Cardigan they will be flying to Rome to take part in proceedings and fancy their chances of trying on the ruby slippers and driving in the specially adapted Crip-mobile. They fully recognise that they have a reputation to uphold and can assure the populace that absolutely nothing will change, after all where would we be without haemophilia and male bondage. We wouldn't be quite the same institution.