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Ems Coombes - disability arts online
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THE ROAD TRIP [from Leeds to Dundee: Interval] / 31 January 2012

My Bidet. Yep, I'm dedicating the whole interval to my bidet.  I had never experienced a bidet before, sure I had seen them in pictures, tv and films, but not in person.

To say I was thrilled does not cut it. I couldn't even bring myself to use it. To be honest I wasn't really sure how? I knew it was for washing your penis, but I had also heard that it was for washing your bum - a replacment for toilet paper, saves getting toilet paper stuck in your crevices, but surely it would be a hinderance.

As you can see from the picture the taps are at the back, so if you are washing your posterior, you would have to do it from behind your back surely. How awkward! And I dont think it would be sturdy enough to sit on, so you would have to squat. How uncomfortable is that.

You see, as excited as I am about bidet's, I can see the downfall and I love the toilet. The toilet is the place where I can, literally, let go, relax, read, plan and be left alone. All unwanted substances can be expelled without worry. No one can enter 'the toilet zone', it is my space. It has been like this for years.

When I was growing up, even before I shared a room with meine schwester, I used to frequent the toilet to get away from people, she (my sister Zoe) loves to recount the story of how she swung open the bathroom door to find me sat on the toilet playing the keyboard. Later in life when we did share a room, I found that the toilet was the place I would inhabit when she was sleeping and I wanted to write poems or diary entries, here is a little ditty I wrote on the toilet, about her:

Some people like to ride horses
Some people like to ride ponies
Some people breath through their mouths when they sleep
And some people breath through their noses
Some people snore very quietly
Although it's not often it's true
But Zoe just snores like a tractor
Or something escaped from a Zoo

You can replace 'Zoe' with any name, that's the beauty of it. So, don't underestimate the tranquility of the toilet, is my motto, another life rule.....ooo im so profound...oh yeah, and if you have any Bidet rules then feel free to message me or write on my face book, always willing to learn!)