I was over the moon to get picked to direct a documentary on psychosis as my graduation for university, but now it is the dirty business of raising funds. I want to raise unrestricted funds, in that the usual suspects who fund these kind of films are medical based, and I want to get away from the medical model.
So here are the details of what I want to do:
A synopsis of the idea It is a self-reflexive documentary about the experience of psychosis, focusing on the sensory aspect of it but also touching upon delusion. The film will be partly experiential in that through the film the viewer will hear voices and see visual hallucinations, but also how it affects people who have psychosis, their sense of identity, perception, and communication. It is a documentary that has no claims to objectivity which absorbs drama and art because by its very nature psychosis is not a reality shared.
Why you want to make this film?
I have personal experience of psychosis, and want to show what it is like as accurately as I can, and make the viewer experience it in is some small way, so as to gain a better understanding of it. There is the scientific element to the experience and want to use this documentary why so many people who go through it do not see it as an illness, and are resistant to scientific intervention. Because it isn’t necessary a negative experience. After the 1000th ride of this burning mental carnival, you start to see something else. You see, as the train rides upward, you get closer to the stars than everyone else. You hear music that no-one else hears, your soul makes its own symphonies when everyone else has to buy their song. You see psychosis can be magic at times, but it is a precocious and precarious magic. You have to be careful, you have to make sure you can put yourself back together when you saw yourself in half. Houdini did on the physical plane what mad people do mentally every single day – to very little applause. Some people see weakness, I see immense strength in those who are still standing. This is rarely touched upon in films on psychosis. I want to humanize what is seen as unfairly pathological. When the ‘real’ world is full of bills, unkindness, wars and stigma, staying in psychosis is very seductive. I would also like to highlight why so many people in psychotic crisis slip through the net and commit suicide; crisis care in this country asks you to pick up the phone when you are also hearing voices, and wait for hours in A&E whilst you are experiencing an emotional and mental apocalypse being actually surrounded by bleeding, crying, broken-boned people. Mental health services ask people in distress to swim the Channel when they are already drowning. I want the film to provide a challenging argument to those who want to maintain things as it is.
I want this film to stand as a work of art but I know from my work in mental health this kind of film would be invaluable for mental health professionals to understand better the people who they are trying to help, and in their training. But also to dispel ignorance about this aspect of mental health generally.
So if you are able to donate just even a fiver, thats cool. You can do it by going to http://www.idomind.org.uk/id6.html or in kind support is cool too. love Dollyx
Hello people, I have spent the last couple of months dipping in and out of psychosis, but I now am more in the world of shared 'normal' reality, even though it is a bunch of bill-paying bollocks, where politician pay themselves expenses for fucking us over. I can feel myself coming out of it now, which means more blogs posted regularly.
Whilst I was in psychosis I saw a lot of birds trapped in walls and set concrete, trying impossibly to fly. Psychosis is rarely meaningless. For me the trapped bird are a metaphor for what is going on in the soul. I know I feel trapped on a mundane level of bills, bullshit and Britian's got Talent. But the bird is also my madness, I can set it free and leave this earth behind, but that means leaving the people I love behind too. The bird wants to fly but maybe it shouldn’t, or maybe the walls should turn into clouds so I don’t need to leave earth.
The problem with Psychiatry is that it rips the wings off people, when they should help the person find a reason to stay grounded on this earth.
And I stay grounded by love, art, and making this ordinary reality extraordinary.
Having said that, I mourn my loss of otherworldness. Time for a poetic elegy:
This skin can't hold me in
The Heart wants out
The Heart wants out
Out of the corner of one eye
I weigh the feather in the spit
Turn another corner, the eyes
cannot cover itself with skin
Blood is thicker
But no skies stay red
You have to break trees in half
Burn the flower
and stand in its shade