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Dolly Sen's Blog - disability arts online
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Disability Arts Online

PSYCHOTIC FUNFAIR / 1 January 2008

So what's it like having a psychotic experience, I have been asked many a-time. Well, the painful part of Schizophrenia is that you are on a never-ending ghost train ride, but you see monsters and ghouls nobody else sees. They are seeing a pretty funfair and winning prizes. You want to get off this scary ride but you can’t, you never see the light of day, or so you assume. It’s your own private horror show, and private it so vehemently is, and you scream when everyone else laughs.

After the 1000th ride of this burning mental carnival, you start to see something else. You see, as the train rides upward, you get closer to the stars than everyone else. You hear music that no-one else hears, your soul makes its own symphonies when everyone else has to buy their song. You see psychosis can be magic at times, but it is a precocious and precarious magic. You have to be careful, you have to make sure you can put yourself back together when you saw yourself in half. Houdini did on the physical plane what mad people do mentally every single day – to very little applause. Some people see weakness, I see immense strength in those who are still standing. My engagement in the arts really is a way of standing with others and showing others what goes on in my mind. So now you see...

Keywords: music