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My name's Bonk and I love to write, when my brain hurts and gets too tight! I am bi-polar please don't be scared… don't run… just listen, as I get prepared. Open your eyes… I hope you enjoy my thoughts. And so I'll begin with a poem or some daily reports.

Not taking my meds ...

12 April 2013

Blog

I spent a week in a slumber, becoming just a mumbler. Sat staring at the floor; couldn't make it through the door. It was my choice to stop taking my meds, to move forward and poke out my badgered heads. That said. it wasn't my best move yet. I got hyper aggressive and people I upset ... and now regret. Found myself turning back into a monster, a Double Mental Bonkster. Only realizing that after the event, when my emotions took over and this aggression has again been spent. I must stop...

Comments: 5

Masquerade

4 March 2013

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Bonk in a mask

Decide what I want, then I change again, too many different things, not one skill to retain. A jack of all trades, master of none, hundreds of ideas flow through, then are gone. Ebbing and flowing unable to swim, the cold dark water seeps into my skin. I want to be a genius but am more a buffoon, too stupid by half to dance to that tune. Trying hard to be perfect because it feels right, can't attain my ideals so it's all smashed in spite. There's a demon in there I think can I...

Comments: 0

Not me in the mirror

1 March 2013

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Mirror

I'm feeling really down today, I could just up and walk away; the drugs just make me waste the day. I felt fine years ago I think, but all that changed inside a blink. I’m floating then I start to sink, do I think too much or just think I think? Am I me and does anyone care, if I even breath their air, or are they just all saying yeah, then forgetting I was ever there? Much of today is wasted again, my watered down life is full of pain, mentally and physically I take the strain, of a...

Comments: 1

The Edge

26 February 2013

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The edge of sanity

Shall I travell to London to ask number 10, why they are making us ill again!   I'm disabled and struggle to see the why, your just picking on me, and making me cry, out with the truth, is it just me annoys ya, or is this a touch of the old paranoia?   Ask me straight what I'd like you to do. I've got some ideas I can put to you. So open your door and let me through. How about I cut off your feet, and send you to work for just a few weeks? Or how about we chop of your...

Comments: 0

Mind Telly

27 February 2013

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Mind Telly

Flooding the world with my mindful words, pick up the torch that I hold so dear. Opening up the minds of many, let them come in and watch my mind telly. So many shows going on in my mind, I can't show them all as it wouldn't be kind. Just speaking like this, I rarely give up, I'm focussing now, as I fill up your cup. The images flow as you throw in the towel, it's not time to quite, nor the time to cry foul. Open the broadcast as I have arrived, I'm talking abuse on the...

Comments: 0

Wrap Rap

21 February 2013

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Bonk - a character from the Criptarts

Too many ideas to achieve today, so many thoughts that have run away. Often I gaze and look into the grey matter that is the patter on my milky way. I wander through days and act on my gaze, but nowhere it goes ... as my mind's a slave ... to my inspirations and drive that go round and round more often than not, driving me into the ground. The options I strive for never seem to come near, yet my thoughts and time get lost without fear. I sit again at this pad with lettered keys and a world...

Comments: 1

Memories that shine

21 February 2013

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A father hugs his children

Today ... I awoke as fresh as a daisy, up and away from being stuck in and crazy. I enter the kitchen and make us some toast, the kids are on form so I shall make the most of this bright sunny day on this half term week, with friends old and new some adventure we seek. Together we kids take a stroll to the park, the hours rush by and it starts to get dark. Right home for supper and a hot cup of tea. I wonder who's cooking, ah that would be me! No time to stop as we're nearly back home,...

Comments: 3

Misunderstood?

22 February 2013

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Flip top head

Today I jumped up and made for the bathroom, got myself dressed and gave out a sparkle. My smile will travel, it's massive and bright, it's starting to hurt as it makes my face tight. 'Wreck it Ralph' is the one we decide, the kids and myself, it's the film we've not tried. He's a lot like me in many ways, a big guy who wants to be good, but is often simply misunderstood. I've got a big heart and I do try to help, but sometimes it's wrong and people just yelp! I crave to be liked and I try and...

Comments: 3

Detained

23 February 2013

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Bonk and Cameron in a bath

Dear David Cameroon, I'm sorry to hear that you went mad and lost your job ... got detained and we now share a room. It's funny when you end up becoming disabled, it wasn't exactly what you'd planned for, this being unstable, was it? So now you're here with all us crips, swallowing all from your tablet strips. Waiting for family to visit again, knowing that you're in here means that you are insane. My name's Bonk, welcome to my second home. It's not great and...

Comments: 7

Connection

24 February 2013

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Missing connection

Mr C we're disabled, it don't change over night.
When you push us too much then our tempers ignite.
I'll just phone you up when I'm having a moment
and explain why I'm like this ... where's my missing component?
I wish I had your position, cause I'd make some changes with YOUR connections,
instead of letting you push in the wrong direction.

Comments: 0

D.A.N.G.E.R

7 March 2013

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Red warning triangle

A clear and present DANGER. Danger Mr Cameron, you should be aware, as your cuts take affect, and push us to dispair. And the route you have opened is not well planned. Are you prepared for the blood that'll cover your hands? Not bothered are you; as you make up the numbers, picking on the sick and disabled to cover up your blunders? Gather your Tories and tell them this, your scaring us all, not just taking the piss. Either way when you take your actions, it'll soon be obvious that...

Comments: 2

Bonding

9 March 2013

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Happy sun

Today was refreshing, the sun was alight, my mood opened up and my day did ignite. I opened the windows and let in the air, filling the room with the sun's magic glare. I ventured outside and filled up my lungs, and started to plan, no more speaking in tongues. People alive, and smiling their way, time just to talk and exchanging good day. Bonding with children, and especially my son, becoming so close we are thinking as one. We discuss life and challenges, find where to begin, finding...

Comments: 0

At the gates

11 March 2013

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Funny Farm gates

It's easy to smile when life feels so good, when I'm feeling so positive and out of the woods. But when mood starts to swing and I'm down on my knees, forgetting the answers, my mind starts to tease. And I cannot remember just how to regain, those feelings of happiness, removed far from pain. Remembering those who can help you keep calm, and how they can help you stay safe, far from harm. They're there but are hidden, I've put them away, when I go into darkness, nothing...

Comments: 0

Up and down

17 March 2013

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Up and down

Remember ... mood swings can go up, as well as down!

Comments: 0

Hallucinations

17 March 2013

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trick of the light?

I remember a time I was in Dartford Unit, floating about in the corridors, late on my first night. I looked down the dark corridor from the nurses station where I'd been annoying a young nurse who was trying to read her book. I'd interupt her every few moments; well, fair play, they wouldn't let me go home! So, this dark corridor, doors either side with patients enjoying their medicated sleep. I looked towards the glass fire door at the very end and saw an old man with a stick, the...

Comments: 1

More sedation ...

21 March 2013

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Bonk in a hypo

When you get above your station, you start to look at more sedation ... I tell you, I know the mental health system better than most. And I can confirm that it feels like a second class NHS when you're in there as a patient. Staff speak to you as if you're a child, and if you dare answer back, then they will often punish you by ignoring you for the rest of the day. They rarely believe anything you say, and ironically the only time that you do get any attention from them is when you...

Comments: 0

Gardening time

19 April 2013

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I'm feeling alive and no more on the shelf, not dealing with life, not aware of my health. I've stopped taking my meds and I've started to climb, and my mind has come back, it allows me to rhyme. The voices are there but I learn to ignore, not getting involved or attempting to store. Distraction's the key, planting new seeds that grow, nurturing my health in my garden I sow. Pulling weeds from the bed, adding water and sun, growing colour and life ... a small flower's...

Comments: 2

Gateway

19 May 2013

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My poems provide a gateway for me to have my say, to share with all those others, to keep strange thoughts at bay. Inviting other nutters to join me if they will, to sing our song of difference, the music never still but winding out in spirals, expressing all we are, that being mad's a journey in a psychedelic car. Its easy to forget that there are others just like me, and the words that I keep writing can help them all to see that they're not alone and struggling, that they're not...

Comments: 1

Caught in a rut

23 May 2013

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Bonk in a glass

I've got lost again, caught in a rut! Those around me trying hard to help me make the cut. I'm stuck in the bubble, away from time itself, the hairs on my chin grow quicker in the blink of an eye the sun goes up and then goes down, leaving me again for another day with a blank frown. I'm not in pain you see and I'm not upset, I just can't climb out of this mood. It's like being in a spider trapped in a glass, you can see others outside moving around, but to you it's...

Comments: 2

Dispossessed

21 June 2013

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war image

Keep your young ones close and tight, or they'll be sent away to fight. Our boys and girls sent off to war, no answer when we ask "what for?" Then when they're spent, they send them home, without their limbs, cut to the bone. And some, their minds like shattered glass, run fractured images of horrors past. Once used, abused, now mad as hatter, our boys and girls no longer matter. They join the ranks of those they say, are scrounging all the funds we pay. No legs to walk, no...

Comments: 0

Crazy?!

24 June 2013

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Make you stay

It's not a craze we're following, this is the way we are.
Living on the edge of reason, seeking our own star.
Be careful when you talk to us, be careful what you say.
Don't try and get inside our heads, in case we make you stay!

Comments: 0

Don't judge

9 July 2013

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Bonk on finger

Just listening to us can help unload some clutter. You will often be surprised by your quiet local nutter.

But don't judge us all by the way we may look. When it comes to fashion, we just don't give a fuck!

Comments: 0

Bonk reads his poem at the London Atos demo

1 October 2013

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Bonk at Atos demo

David Cameron, you should be aware, as your cuts take affect, and we're pushed to despair ... 'cause the route you have taken is not well planned. Are you ready for the blood that'll cover your hands? Then you'll see as you take your actions, it'll become quite clear that you've not done your fractions! Risk Assessments I doubt have been done, just a noose round our necks that your cuts have hung. So ... gather your Tories and tell them this, your scaring us all, not...

Comments: 0

Dear Sun newspaper...

7 October 2013

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Bonk with axe in his back

Mental health survivors are at an all time low, you're using us as targets, just to have a go.   You're using us as scapegoats, whereas we're the ones in need, You're labelling us as murderers, the frenzy so to feed.   You don't know us at all, yet you print these viscious tales,   your readers form opinions based upon your need for sales. As people with these issues, we're more scared than you think, more likely just to hurt ourselves when pushed towards...

Comments: 9

My words as my weapon

6 January 2014

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Bonk's sword

So many ideas bubbling too near the edge too many thoughts toppling over the ledge Back with a new mood and differing style I'm gonna open my soul, trying this for a while A tool of mass words, of destruction, take note I'm here with a vengeance, protaganists to smote with my words as my weapon, my thoughts form the point I'll just stab at injustice, those that fall I'll annoint. I'll get right in their faces and stand up for what's right Striking out at the grey suits...

Comments: 2