We trash countless blind alleys while I attempt to nudge this snorting black nightmare closer to something solid and dependable like a wall. And the walls disappear leaking us into further unforgotten realms in a maze of blindness, déjà-vu, multiplying, each fresh nightmare waiting in the wings like the wild goose eager and ready to take its turn leading the horde; eager like the wolf, to close in with the pack.
And countless horses crowd every nook and cranny of now with indestructible past; in a mindless trample of panic, the stampede opens its maw to consume me.
My 2012 has been enriched by wanderings through the WWonderWeb (and I don't mean the hemming tape), thanks to innumerable people posting fascinating stuff, this absolutely has to include DAO and of course the amazing Maria Popova: www.brainpickings.org
Somewhere in my recent past is a conversation with Colin (Hambrook) about 'the tortured artist' so I was fascinated to come across this in an article from the New York Times:
Ray Bradbury, b. 1920 The Untortured Artist
Shortly before his 90th birthday, when asked which moment of his life he’d return to were time travel possible, Ray Bradbury told his interviewer: “Every. Single. Moment. Every single moment of my life has been incredible. I’ve loved it, I’ve savored it, it’s been beautiful — because I’ve remained a boy.” Bradbury was a rare and necessary antidote to the tortured-genius myth — that toxic cultural narrative that requires great creators to suffer lest their work have no depth, no gravitas, no legacy.
Bradbury left high school with plans of going to college, but no money. So he set out to educate himself by going to the library three days a week, a regimen he continued for 10 years, never romanticizing poverty or the so-called writer’s life. Instead, he celebrated the joy of writing itself. In 1951, living in Los Angeles with his wife and two infant daughters, he got a bag of dimes and rented a typewriter in the U.C.L.A. basement for 10 cents a half-hour. He wrote “Fahrenheit 451” for $9.80.
His secret? “You remain invested in your inner child by exploding every day. You don’t worry about the future, you don’t worry about the past — you just explode.” MARIA POPOVA
Nurturing, investing in, my inner child is something I was able to do for the first time in 2009, at first unconsciously, but gradually growing in awareness and eventually waking up to such delight and amazement. I'd like to take this belated opportunity to thank the person who made this daily adventure possible and I really do have to recommend it; staying aware of and investing in my inner child is my resolution for 2013 - I shall attempt to explode a bit more...
May your inner child be blessed in showers of daily explosions!