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Getting back into the process

Distance is key.

Moving away from intense emotional involvement with a piece of work, focusing elsewhere, will often reveal unexpected omissions and surprises both good and bad.
This is a process I like to be in control of, so when I feel myself being torn away by random circumstance, I cling on desperately until I am forced to admit the untimely break.
I make, I write, I draw to feel sane, to feel alive and in communion with something other and far greater than me.

There are always gut-churning moments when I doubt what I do. And there are moments when I need the work to talk back at me, to claim some kind of independence.
Choosing my moments to back off, to put work on hold, to see-saw between the apparent contrasts of words and visual images, I still have a tendency to not really let go.
To not actually allow stuff to hibernate in my subconscious where it can reap the benefits of all kinds of hidden connections. I know this, I know that I am impatient and that for me the process takes much more time than I imagine.

I make much of use of my subconscious with each start, but then reach a point where I cannot carry the work lightly.
I get so absorbed in the close-up, the zoomed-in pan where the background is merely a blur and of course, the continuity.
And still it comes as a surprise to discover that there is only ever one work. That any kind of distancing, willing or unwilling, is mere punctuation in a conversation that documents and illustrates my efforts to make sense of why I exist as a sentient being.
How could I have journeyed so far and discovered so little?

I am the artwork I create.
Letting go, allowing my inner child the freedom to explode, needs so much practice.


These introspective interludes;
these opportunities to tick
box items in my kitbag,
provisions for adventures;
signs of promise, of awareness,
of knowing that leaving base-camp
might require tent-pegs maybe,
or a chunky knitted jumper;
but above all, confidence and curiosity.

 

Posted by Gini, 3 February 2013

Last modified by Gini, 3 February 2013

2013 New Year resolution

My 2012 has been enriched by wanderings through the WWonderWeb (and I don't mean the hemming tape), thanks to innumerable people posting fascinating stuff, this absolutely has to include DAO and of course the amazing Maria Popova: www.brainpickings.org

Somewhere in my recent past is a conversation with Colin (Hambrook) about 'the tortured artist' so I was fascinated to come across this in an article from the New York Times:

Ray Bradbury, b. 1920 The Untortured Artist

Shortly before his 90th birthday, when asked which moment of his life he’d return to were time travel possible, Ray Bradbury told his interviewer: “Every. Single. Moment. Every single moment of my life has been incredible. I’ve loved it, I’ve savored it, it’s been beautiful — because I’ve remained a boy.” Bradbury was a rare and necessary antidote to the tortured-genius myth — that toxic cultural narrative that requires great creators to suffer lest their work have no depth, no gravitas, no legacy.

Bradbury left high school with plans of going to college, but no money. So he set out to educate himself by going to the library three days a week, a regimen he continued for 10 years, never romanticizing poverty or the so-called writer’s life. Instead, he celebrated the joy of writing itself. In 1951, living in Los Angeles with his wife and two infant daughters, he got a bag of dimes and rented a typewriter in the U.C.L.A. basement for 10 cents a half-hour. He wrote “Fahrenheit 451” for $9.80.

His secret? “You remain invested in your inner child by exploding every day. You don’t worry about the future, you don’t worry about the past — you just explode.” MARIA POPOVA

Nurturing, investing in, my inner child is something I was able to do for the first time in 2009, at first unconsciously, but gradually growing in awareness and eventually waking up to such delight and amazement. I'd like to take this belated opportunity to thank the person who made this daily adventure possible and I really do have to recommend it; staying aware of and investing in my inner child is my resolution for 2013 - I shall attempt to explode a bit more...

May your inner child be blessed in showers of daily explosions!

Posted by Gini, 1 January 2013

Last modified by Gini, 1 January 2013